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Joke of the Day

"One great perk about working at a funeral home... I always get to bring flowers home to my wife! (Yes, I actually work at a mortuary. No, I don't do this)"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower? You hand the bitch a shovel."

"What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em? Barium."

"I once asked a Frenchman if he plays video games. He responded, ""Oui."" I told him Xbox is better."

"I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing."

"Lauren on Facebook asks: ""What's the best way to ward off ghosts?"" To which I replied: ""a camera."""

"The most scientific pet? The lab."

"NOT EVERYONE WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, MOM. SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO BREAK IT UP."

"What do you call a lion in the circus. A Carny-vore"

"What kind of shoes do therapists wear? Issues."