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Joke of the Day

"I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior."

"I hope Jeremy Corben is successful in his new chosen career! I didn't really rate him as a comedian, he was especially bad in The Wrong Man's."

"Why was the tree in prison because it committed treeson"

"The guy who stole my diary has died. My thoughts are with his family."

"I spent the night on a 4th dimensional alien ship. Surprisingly the surroundings were very familiar. Except in the bathroom they had a glory cube."

"I just mixed peanut butter and Nutella together in case anyone's curious why I've suddenly started attending church."

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat."

"Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction."

"I call my penis ""Batman"". Girls love it when the Dark Knight Rises."

"There're only 10 types of people in the world ... those that understand binary, and those who don't."