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Joke of the Day

"I spent the night on a 4th dimensional alien ship. Surprisingly the surroundings were very familiar. Except in the bathroom they had a glory cube."

"I finally stopped my roomate from biting his nails. All i had to do was make him wear shoes."

"What do you call a big beefy doctor who also studies the weather in his spare time? A Meaty-urologist. ^^Don't^^shoot^^me^^..."

"I once watched a documentary on ferns because the remote was out of reach."

"America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl."

"If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels."

"Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions? It pains them to have standards."

"I'm not saying she's a sl*t but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head."

"My friend said she was taking next week off to be with her new puppy. I said, ""You're taking mutt-ernity leave?"""

"Leave a Post-It on your girlfriend's birth control that says, ""guess u don't want 2 have my babies haha."""