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Joke of the Day

"If people were as passionate about world affairs as they are about their opinions on tattoos, we'd be on WWVIII by now."

"Why is Jesus terrible in bed? Because it takes three days for him to rise again, and two thousand years to come twice."

"How do we know Jesus turned water into wine at parties? Because if he turned the **wine** into **water** someone would have kicked the shit out of him."

"How much is 5Q and 5Q? 10Q. ""You're welcome. """

"Infatuation prick is the answer, what is the question? How do you want your wontons cooked?"

"What does farm animal porn sound like? Brownchickenbrowncow"

"I went to a karaoke bar last night. I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."

"I think my daughter might turn out to be the next Martin Scorsese! (Her eyebrows are fucking terrifying)"

"""Full bath?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Double beds?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Pool?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Maid service?"" ""Yes sir"" ""WIFI?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Kids, I found a campsite!"""

"[buys ghostbusters ringtone] ME: who ya gonna call? [1 hour later] ME: who ya gonna call?! [2 days later] ME: *sobbing* I am so lonely"