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Joke of the Day

"We think you may have a phobia of marriage Doctor: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are? Me: I can't say I do. Doctor: That's one of the symptoms, yes."

"Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? ""Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"" I guess it is #rightprivilege"

"Boss: Read me one of your funny tweets Me: Not right now I'm working Boss: Bahahahaha tell me another one"

"I do most of my parenting on Facebook. My kids post that they're smoking pot and having unprotected sex and I reply with a sad emoticon :-(."

"I usually hate having long hair But I think it's growing on me."

"I went clubbing last night I saw girls twerking in a bun dance."

"I keep seeing yards with signs supporting Trump But I don't see any walls around them."

"Grocery store flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because pterodactyls are extinct."

"What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces? Guacamole."