89636

Joke of the Day

"I went clubbing last night I saw girls twerking in a bun dance."

"I looked up ""cock"" in the dictionary... It says ""the male of the domestic fowl or chicken"". That's all my black female neighbours ever talk about, they must really love fried chicken."

"I think a lot of these women are just getting pregnant for the subway seats"

"A three legged puppy walks into a bar The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

"God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k"

"What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream."

"I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums."

"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"According to Einstein, ""Everything is relative."" Sort of like the marriages in Alabama."