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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights."

"If Jesus could have sex on his birthday... That lucky girl would be covered in Christ-mist."

"I found a ""Fresh Baked Bread"" scented candle I bought it because I love the smell of fresh bread. But when I lit it, it smelled like toast."

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""

"I thought the baseball was getting bigger.. Then it hit me."

"I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't like coffee. I'm very straight."

"""Strive to be the man you want your daughter to marry"" ~ Woody Allen"

"""Here we are."" I thought we were going to the camoflauge store? This is just an empty field. ""No it's not."" Oh this place is good."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a whore?` None. They both fuck people for a living."

"If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works."