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Joke of the Day
"I usually hate having long hair But I think it's growing on me."
Next Joke
"I watch Looney Tunes before I go to work, because there's something about old school cartoon violence that relaxes me"
"What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass. TL'DR - My ass."
"What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!"
"""Honey the baby is crowning!"" *Lifts up hospital gown* ""Well excuse me YOUR MAJESTY!"""
"[watching House of Cards] where are the cards"
"At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone."
"Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris."
"Which is the most common font i Mexico? El Vetica."
"Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong but i say, whatever floats your goat"