208099

Joke of the Day

"What I say: ""Does anyone need anything from the store?"" What I mean: ""I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."""

"How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick !"

"God was truly looking out for me today I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay's potato chips inside."

"I wear my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible."

"A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk He's all over the front pages."

"*empties an ice cube tray in the Arctic* ""You're free now."""

"This Valentines Day, I want to really surprise my wife. So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend."

"What weighs 12lbs and won't be getting plucked this Christmas Scott Weilands guitar"

"There are more Americans that have married Kim Kardashian than the number of Americans with Ebola."

"Whenever I work out, I wear a push-up bra so I can do more push-ups. If I didn't, it'd be so embarrassing and people would laugh at me."