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Joke of the Day

"What weighs 12lbs and won't be getting plucked this Christmas Scott Weilands guitar"

"You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon"

"FOUR RULES FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER: 1) get her home by 11 p.m. 2) so we can chill 3) i have mario party 4) be my friend"

"*puts finger over your lips* Shhhhhhhhhhhhh *feeds you more applesauce making airplane noises*"

"Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not sure what it means"

"What do American beers and Sex in a Canoe have in common? They are both fucking close to water!"

"What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."

"What do you call a mythical milkshake? Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)"

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her."

"What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering? A Boa Constructor"