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Joke of the Day

"I won a fight that was five against one in Baltimore today. We totally kicked the shit out of that guy."

"Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job."

"If Pulp Fiction has taught us anything it's that we're better off not knowing if there's more shit down in the basement of any pawn shop."

"Proof of God Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space"

"I used to be a Banker.... but then I lost interest"

"Why did the man commit suicide by helium suffocation? He wanted to go out on a high note."

"When my girlfriend dumped me I spent 8 hours making a replica of her house and her on Sims, then burning it down. Easiest way to move on."

"How did the love seat get pregnant? Because the couch didn't pull out."

"God must love stupid people. He made SO many."

"I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at tweets all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway."