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Joke of the Day

"I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at tweets all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway."

"What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? BA NA NA NA!"

"When I was young I had to go to walking school. It was tough. They really put you through your paces there"

"[Couples Therapy] HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26 ME: OMG SEE!"

"Don't spend money on body modification. If you wait long enough, your body modifies itself for free."

"My girlfriend left me after I broke her wheelchair..... Oh,, I think she'll come crawling back soon.."

"Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say. Thanks."

"What do children think of the world? I don't know, this is the first time I've logged onto Reddit, today."

"Me: Hello darkness, my old friend. Darkness: New phone, who dis?"

"My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart."