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Joke of the Day
"my mom's house is like the one in Home Alone except all the booby traps are emotional"
Next Joke
"That's the last time Shang Tsung accompanies my family to the fish restaurant.... He spent all night trying to steal my brother's sole!"
"TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine. Oops, wrong sub!"
"Jokes about being drunk on Twitter are redundant. Maintaining a Twitter account automatically implies that you're drinking on some level."
"Why don't SJW's like guns? They can't handle the trigger!"
"I am sorry I wasn't being completely honest when I said I was normal."
"I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant ""I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play too."""
"Why is Santa Claus always so happy? He knows where all the bad girls live"
"Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine."
"""You know, when I was a surgeon in the army my nickname was Nodoc."" It's what my patients always told me before they went under."