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Joke of the Day

"Why is Santa Claus always so happy? He knows where all the bad girls live"

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"DAVE: sorry im late alvin needed me DATE: is that your son? DAVE: for the last time gwen, he's the lead singer in the chipmunk band i manage"

"Why did the adobe acrobat document go to jail? ...because it was a pdf file."

"I got a new clock at IED.com"

"The loudest noise a child can make from another room is silence"

"Why do gas prices end with 9/10 of a penny? It just makes cents."

"I'm always extra nice to the guy who used to deliver my mail. I'd hate to get into a fist fight with an ex-professional mail boxer."

"Kim Jong Un Executed 15 Officials This Year, South Korea Says Not sure how he did it but that is just amazing, great job Kim Jong."

"I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast."