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Joke of the Day

"""You know, when I was a surgeon in the army my nickname was Nodoc."" It's what my patients always told me before they went under."

"My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school."

"I remember back when the media didn't have to invent names like ""polar vortex"" to tell us that it is cold during winter..."

"My dad just told me I was conceived in a circlejerk... apparently things got out of hand."

"""I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jammin' again."""

"What was used to grow crops on Mars in the movie Martian? Good Shit"

"I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books."

"With a margin of error of plus or minus three percent. That's how I poll."

"Confucius say... Man who walk through airport sideways going to Bangkok."

"Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty."