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Joke of the Day

"Wait, so if I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior I get to spend all of eternity with people like Mike Huckabee? Lol. Hard pass."

"What did the hippie say when I asked him to leave my house? Nah, I'm-a stay."

"DOG 911: What's ur emer- DOG: OWNER IS CATCHIN POKEMON DOG 911: So DOG: HE'S THROWING BALLS BUT I CAN'T FIND THEM DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG"

"You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl? If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message"

"If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade."

"Currently eating organic raspberries that I didn't wash over my kitchen sink, in case any ladies out there dig the whole ""bad boy"" persona."

"Death by chickpea... What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another one to death? Hummuscide Thanks, I'm out."

"What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard."

"During an inspection of the federal penitentiary, I saw a bald inmate beat up a warden. I guess the warden was hit by a Smooth Criminal."

"The list of things I hate the most is -Hate -Lists -Irony -Cheap jokes stolen from the internet -Irony -Repetition -Did I mention irony?"