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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a lesbian platypus? A lickalotapus"

"[Home after awful day at work, my dog greets me] Me: At least somebody's happy to see me! Dog: *shakes head, pulls banana from pocket*"

"A guy is with a hot girl and gets a boner Girl: Is that a weapon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Guy: Both, it's a weapon of ass destruction."

"How do you spell ""sawss"" as in ""spaghetti sawss"" ?"

"WORST THING YOU CAN DO What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"I am so proud to be part of a society that needs television commercials to remind us not to lock our kids in hot cars."

"I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat."

"TIME TO RETIRE Q: WHEN DOES A PROSTITUTE KNOW IT TIME TO RETIRE? A: WHEN SHE CAN NO LONGER HIDE THE STRETCHMARKS AROUND HER LIPS."

"Philippe Petit walked between the twin towers in 1974, big deal, I can do that today with no training. Just made that up, I hope it's not too soon."

"Did you know that God is rich? Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet."