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Joke of the Day
"2 Egyptians noticed their farts smelled the same. They had a Tutankhamen."
Next Joke
"Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this."
"I'd like deadlines more if they were called happy endings."
"""Your lifeguard resume is just a pic of David Hasselhoff"" I feel it says all u need to know about me ""He's drunk with a cheeseburger"" Yes"
"Why is a hurricane called a hurricane? If it were predictable, it'd be called a himmicane"
"I'm an apathetic druggie. I'm always high on crystal meh."
"My friend sure changed when she became a vegetarian... (fixed) I mean, she never actually told me she was a vegetarian. But they say you are what you eat. And now she's a vegetable."
"I was arrested for killing a black man and charged with impersonating an officer"
"I like my beer like I enjoy my violence. Domestic."
"it's easy as pie! 'what does that even mean?' *pie stumbles in drunk* pie: i just had sex with the homeless guy under the bridge 'oh'"