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Joke of the Day

"""Your lifeguard resume is just a pic of David Hasselhoff"" I feel it says all u need to know about me ""He's drunk with a cheeseburger"" Yes"

"HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy ME: [also whispering] owning a home"

"What do you call Halloween for feminists? Triggertreat"

"A man walks into a bar and says ow"

"Actually....The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out."

"I saw the expiration date on my condoms They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid"

"I just spent the last four hours connecting all of my watches together to make a belt. Complete waist of time."

"Who cares about the new GTA when you can sit down and enjoy the new testament"

"i was sitting next to a gorgeous girl on the bus yesterday i was so nervous. i kept thinking to myself ""please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"". she got a boner."

"Hip Hop Humor Whose mother likes rap music? Yo Momma! My eight-year-old daughter wants to see how many upvotes she can get. Ten-year old brother is interested in downvotes."