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Joke of the Day

"What is One Direction's favorite place to eat? Five Guys"

"What do you do when you're sunburned? Make like a banana and peel."

"Shouldn't Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job."

"If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win? Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver! I'll be in hell if you need me."

"Twitterzoned (by Kevin L. Schwartz) Is ""Twitterzoning"" a thing? ""You're okay as a Twitter friend, but let's not get all Facebook about this."" You've been Twitterzoned."

"I had a colonoscopy done the other day and I think it went really well... As I was walking out I overheard the nurses talking about me and I could hear one saying ""What an asshole!"""

"The government closed my non-profit clean needle exchange because we were just wiping 'em off with an old rag."

"What do you call an old-school CIA agent who believes his work is none of the public's goddamn business? A Pte-redact-yl"

"A social gathering without food is called a ""Don't."""

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."