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Joke of the Day

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."

"The boss enters the office and asks his underling.. ..""what's the name of the asian punctual co-worker?"" ""Tai Ming, Sir."""

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"""And what do your parents do?"" BABY COW: Well, my mom is basically a vending machine and my dad is hamburgers"

"The spork is the hermaphrodite of utensils."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally."

"French Guns for sale! Never Fired, dropped only once."

"From my not quite 3yr old cousin. Q:Why did the doggy cross the road? A:To get to the bone! Q:Why did the bone cross the road? A: To get away!"

"in a kindergarten class, there is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. which one do you date? the blonde. she's 18."

"I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer"