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Joke of the Day

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."

"Giving compliments... ...to women is like pot-hitting in a mine field."

"Why do people go to the gym again? Do they not know what a nap is?"

"First year my husband didn't give me some sort of sweet on our anniversary. I got roses. He thinks I'm fat. I know it."

"Two rednecks are sitting on a porch... ...watching a dog licking itself. One redneck says to the other, ""Boy, don't you wish you could do that?"" The other replies, ""That dog'd bite yooouuu!"""

"[Shark Tank] Ok hear me out. -Alright. It's an airplane made out of cats. -But why? It cant crash. Always lands on it's feet. -Please leave."

"""Update the force, Luke"" Adobe Wan Kenobi"

"I once played golf with a Kiwi The RSPCA showed up the next day."

"Never trust an atom They make up everything"

"Q. What do you call a one legged linedancer? A. Eileen (I Lean)"