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Joke of the Day

"Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch? Paddy O'Furniture!"

"It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich."

"A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together... They made a log-rhythm."

"""I just launched a new fragrance!"" - fun way to announce a fart"

"It's a good thing I'm not a god because I'd probably just end up eating the planets after midnight over the sink."

"I gave 3 berries to my friend in a trail and got shot immediately... The sign never said they would shoot for trespassing!"

"At my parent's house, or as I like to call it, the world's most judgmental self-service laundromat."

"Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge."

"The worst part of being a pedophile? Fitting in."

"The Vatican got a huge internet bill this month... Apparently it's because of all the PDF files."