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Joke of the Day

"The worst part of being a pedophile? Fitting in."

"The next time you are in a group and everyone is on their phones except you, go ahead and treat yourself to a fart. You earned it!"

"Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop."

"What do you call a Blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant."

"Whenever I go to Subway, when they ask if I would like my sandwich toasted, I say yes & then I raise my cup of Coke & say, ""To my sandwich!"""

"I lasted 1 hour and 30 seconds while having sex last night... Thank you daylight savings!"

"What does the sun skate on? Solarblades"

"Good cop: I get it. You wanted an easy way out. Laptop: Please update Adobe."

"My computer just said hello to me. I think it's A Dell."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? A Japanese business man wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face"