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Joke of the Day

"It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich."

"Husband's note on refrigerator for wife: Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn't know you liked beer."

"Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in the middle east? Because there's a Target on every corner"

"Your password must contain a character still living in Game of Thrones ****** Password expired ****** Password expired ****** Password ex..."

"I told Siri that no one understands me. She said: ""I don't know what you mean by *no one understands me*"""

"How are Roman Polanski and pimples similar? Both cum on your face when you're 13. How are Roman Polanski and body hair similar? Both cum on your ass when you're 13."

"Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze."

"So Ramadan started the other night. I too like to celebrate. I like beef Ramadan noodles, but only use half the packet cause of the MSG."

"I know my mum has a dildo because I hear her drawer slam shut every night before she switches off her light in the next room... ...I wish this was a joke."

"I can't wait 'til my kids leave home. I've got so much swearing to catch up on."