200427

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine."

"I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit."

"Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move...... a roundhouse kick to the face."

"Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."

"I took an IQ test today.. The results were inconclusive"

"How do you tell which plumber went home for lunch? He's the one with the clean finger."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years: ""Carly Fiorina needs water,"" ""Carly Fiorina is a great state,"" blah blah blah."

"She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled hard. I wanted to ask her to do it harder - but probably inappropriate for the hair salon."

"Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong. It just means that you value your relationships more than your ego"

"What's big heavy furry dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates."