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Joke of the Day

"007 is fired, becomes a scientist. He opens meetings with, ""The name's Bond, Hydrogen Bond."" Everyone laughs. He cries in the supply closet."

"Welcome to Alzheimer's Club I see a lot of new faces today"

"I finally stopped my roomate from biting his nails. All i had to do was make him wear shoes."

"How do you know if a wizards gay? It disappears with a poof."

"Your password must contain an upper and lower case letter, two numbers and a bunch of symbols that look like comic strip swearing."

"Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer."

"19 and 20 got into a fight... Now they're facing 123 years on disturbing the peace."

"What does a necrophiliac get at a funeral? Mourning wood."

"Epic Tragedy Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"So, my wife makes moonshine.... ...but I love her still."