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Joke of the Day

"007 is fired, becomes a scientist. He opens meetings with, ""The name's Bond, Hydrogen Bond."" Everyone laughs. He cries in the supply closet."

"Have you heard the joke about the margarine? I'd tell it you but I prefer it unsaturated."

"is this Sara? hi, this is Tom from HS. my god its been years! Anyway, im calling because u changed your HBO Go password & I need the new one"

"Why does Iraq have no Walmarts? Because there's a Target on every corner."

"Dinner with Drag Queens So, I went to a Potluck with a bunch of drag queens. When the food was finally served, the host stood up and said, ""Tuck in!"""

"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."

"Me and my friends started a band called 1,023 Megabytes... We haven't gotten a gig yet."

"They say in 1990 a vagina almost took Bill Clinton down Now it looks like a weiner may take Hillary"

"Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you."

"I wonder if Morgan Freeman will be too busy narrating his own birthday party, to actually be able to enjoy it?"