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Joke of the Day

"is this Sara? hi, this is Tom from HS. my god its been years! Anyway, im calling because u changed your HBO Go password & I need the new one"

"Is my corny pun... A-maize-zing?"

"If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home."

"A termite walks into a club. 'Is the bar tender here?'"

"Adult me must concede that a major contributor to global warming was kid me leaving the front door open and heating the whole goddam world."

"Why don't people raid dodo nests anymore? Because their eggs stinked!"

"Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application. Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay? Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson"

"My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind. I said dad, I'm over here"

"What's the best thing about twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of them."

"I have good news and bad news I've found a sock..."