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Joke of the Day

"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."

"My girlfriend said to me ""sex is better on holiday""... That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive."

"7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss"

"Never give a Roman a high five. Or he'll give you a HIV."

"What happened to the man running in front of the car? He got tired. What happened to the man running behind the car? He got exhausted."

"""Don't make me regret this."" -things I think when accepting a friend request."

"A guy is fucking his sister... she says ""it's weird you fuck like dad"" and he answers ""yeah that's what mom said too""."

"[faulty megaphone] LISTEN MAN, I {dont} THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT. THERE'S {no} HOPE IF YOU DO. [bangs megaphone on hand] JUST {dont} KILL THEM"

"A pakistani cabbie called me a racist I didn't say a word and left the cab. Because you don't negotiate with terrorists"

"Did you hear about that glacier off the coast of Italy? It was a Romaine Iceberg"