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Joke of the Day

"Why is the area between a woman's breast and hips called a waist? Because you can easily fit a second pair of boobs in there."

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"I took adderall next to a box of fortune cookies... And now I'm fluent in Chinese."
"What is the difference between a vacuum and a snowboarder? How you strap on the dirtbag."
"A Roman Emperor orders his guards to arrest his wife. He orders them to Ceas'er."
"What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical."
"My son told me a girl was yelling at him and he just sat there wondering what he did wrong. Imagine, at 9, being so ready for marriage."
"How many livers do people have? I want to make sure I have a backup before I put this thing on Ebay."
"Remember those girls in college who neatly highlighted all of their text books in pink? They work at the cosmetic counter at Macy's now."
"Why do German showerheads have 11 holes? Jews only have 10 fingers."
"Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."