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Joke of the Day

"I took adderall next to a box of fortune cookies... And now I'm fluent in Chinese."

"Whoever you are, you can't deny that Harry Potter & the Fallopian Tubes sounds like a legitimate title. Don't act like you wouldn't read it."

"That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, ""my shirt smells like you"" & you misspell shirt"

"My life is like my dick after masturbation Empty."

"Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, its best you do them in your head"

"Occam's Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money."

"What's Christmas called in England ? Yule Britannia !"

"I spent the night in jail for refusing to take a nap. They said that I was resisting a rest."

"I saw an attractive woman spank her kid in McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground, so I also threw mine on the ground."

"A local census says that on average, 1 in every 4 guys is gay I hope it's Dave- i think he's kinda cute"