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Joke of the Day

"Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is like calling me a doctor, because I own Band-aids."

"Just think, in 10 years you're going to wish you look as good as you do right now. Assuming you're still alive. ~inspirational"

"[god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?"

"if i ever become a dad my thing is gonna be sayin ""spoiler alert"" to my kid& then pointing at cars w/ spoilers. thats gonna be my dadphrase"

"What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks!"

"Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight The Galaxy Note 7"

"Knock Knock -Who's there? -Interrupting cow with an identity crisis. -Interrupting cow w- -WOOF! WOOF!"

"Being a black jew was tough Finally you get freed from slavery, only to be told ""work makes you free""."

"Put the punchline in the title How do you ruin a perfectly good joke?"

"Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ..."