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Joke of the Day

"Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight The Galaxy Note 7"

"I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer It came out as a pile of shit."

"You know what Nixon did wrong? He only broke into the watergate hotel once. He should have done it everyday. Then it would have been normal. Yes, you got it, jokes on you."

"I was going to make a joke about Counter Strike... But it would be globally offensive."

"Linda, this is embarrassing, but when I sent that email that you were poetry in motion I meant to type pottery. You look like a jug."

"No matter how kind you are, German children will always be kinder."

"TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts."

"him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties me: I'm not him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing"

"I bet the guy who invented fake dog shit was upset the name ""shampoo"" was taken"

"Hey girl, are you a fire alarm? Cause you're fucking annoying."