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Joke of the Day

"[god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?"

"Roses on your piano What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ."

"Two antennas got married. The ceremony was nothing to write home about, but the reception was outstanding."

"I was asked to give a talk about ignorance... ...but I don't know anything about it."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance We'll see about that."

"Bought some vaginal jelly the other day... Didn't taste like it at all!!"

"What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool? What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Owls go. Owls go who?"

"Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked? It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go."

"""Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."""