201056

Joke of the Day

"I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit"

"The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*"

"What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas? (as told by my first grade daughter) They both have Sandy Claws. BOOM!"

"What's the worst thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"My girlfriend and I were talking about pets, she said she'd like to get a manatee. I just laughed and said, ""Two sugars, please."""

"In case I ever get diabetes, I want to be sure that I'll be comfortable with injecting myself, so I practices by injecting sugar water."

"What did Bowie say before he died? Robin, is that you?"

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"I had an affair with English. Since then, Math and I don't speak."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I'm not that much of a mourning person."