116969

Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle."

"Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017 but that's close enough for non-technical people."

"If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online."

"How do you get a philosopher off your porch? Pay him for the pizza."

"OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?"

"We all know by now that when someone says, ""I'm sorry, I never got that text,"" they ABSOLUTELY got that text, right?"

"What does Isaac Asimov take when he has the flu? I, Robotussin."

"Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn't Asian"

"I lost two bagels on a public bathroom floor. Now they're pissed."

"Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey."