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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I were talking about pets, she said she'd like to get a manatee. I just laughed and said, ""Two sugars, please."""

"My girlfriend came out of the shower and said ""I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"" I said yeah,""the damn drain is clogged again!"". Edit: grammar"

"What's grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement? A wolf. I threw in the cement to make it hard."

"What do tampons and renaissance art have in common? You get upset when your dog tears up either of them because they are period pieces."

"Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket"

"How many Amish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... I mean, they aren't fucking retarded."

"I got hit by a car today, guys. Don't worry. I'm okay. It just grazed me, ripped my cargo pants pocket clean off, egg rolls everywhere."

"These poker chips must be stale, they taste horrible."

"What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !"

"Did you hear about the guy who wandered into a vampires-only bar? He got drunk."