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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"Not to be a Scrooge, but if you play or even hum along with Christmas music before December 10, you should be sent to a concentration camp."

"I always thought, hey, at least air is free ...until I bought a bag of chips."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'd love to be the bear of bad news. ""The bad news is, you're gonna need stitches. RAWR!"""

"Whats the difference between a baby and an onion You don't cry when you cut a baby"

"Roses are red violets are blue... Sugar is sweet and so are you... The roses have wilted the violets are dead Sugar is lumpy and so is your head."

"What does NAACP stand for? National Association of Apes Called People."

"I am conducting a survey to see who is the most awesome person on Facebook. To find out who it is read the first two words of this status."

"If Norman Bates was batman's dad.. would Alfred call Bruce, Master Bates?"

"frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone"