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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his Vasectomy? If he was going to be impotent he wanted to look impotent."

"What do you call the death of a superior? A promotional opportunity."

"11: Did it rain last night? Me: No. 11: But it's so wet! Me: That's what she said. 11: What? Me: What?"

"Are you a general? Because you make my privates stand at attention."

"If woman had apostrophes instead of periods, they'd be even more possessive and prone to contractions."

"Who is the Sith Lord of fear? Count Spooku"

"my girlfriend said I have to give up my love of pointing out objects, or she would leave. I responded: ""well there's the door"""

"My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing."

"How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes."