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Joke of the Day

"How do you piss of female archaeologists? Hand them a used tampon and ask what period it's from."

"A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover."

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized."

"Kid, ""Mom, Dad, I'm in love with a gopher from a funny animal video."" Parent, ""The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Allen! Allen! Allen! Steve!"""

"How is a penis and a paycheck the same? Neither one is big enough to satisfy your wife"

"Who was the largest knight at the Round Table? Sir Cumference. Why was he so fat? He ate too much pie."

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? Stay up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"I thought I was watching 50 shades of Grey But I realised it was just a porno. I could tell the difference because they were having consensual sex."

"Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says ""Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"" Biden replies ""No, Bush did 9:11."""

"Jared Fogle got 15 years 8 months. But officer, she told me she was 18!"