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Joke of the Day

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? Stay up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve."

"People are like slinkys... ... they're no fun to look at but when you push em down the stairs you cant help but smile."

"I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on."

"So pi and the imaginary number are talking... and i says to pi, ""be rational."" Pi responds, ""u shut ur bitch-ass whore mouth or im gon shank u mofo"" and i says, ""Oh shit just got real."""

"What did the magician say when he a did a magic trick on the spaghetti? Pesto chango"

"I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me."

"My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy. It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

"Christmas gift Mom walks to her son ""Johnny, what would you like for Christmas - a brother or a sister?"" she asks ""Well, I'd like a sled, but I don't know if your vagina can handle that."" he replies."

"What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject? The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to ""tell us about yourself."""