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Joke of the Day

"""Can we talk tomorrow?"" is my way of saying ""I'll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?"""

"You're not considered antisocial if no one wants to talk to you."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To show these fu**in pedestrians how its done!"

"Did you hear about that giant cooling device in Florida? It was a Miami heat fan."

"What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon? the cow didn't make it."

"What's a 68? She blows me and I owe her one."

"How short-sighted of you to include a fax number in your email signature but not the coordinates of your zeppelin dock."

"I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car."

"""look, you know i LOVE calling birds. love. but FOUR? jesus, phil, i don't have room for this shit and you knew that!"""

"What do a chop shop and a desperate actress have in common? They both strip for parts!"