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Joke of the Day

"You're not considered antisocial if no one wants to talk to you."

"I'll never forget the day I met you... ...but I'm trying."

"Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine? You have to use a rope."

"Whoever named the White House and the Pentagon also probably named oranges."

"A crowd of theater fanatics walk into a bar. They go to the bartender and say, ""One round please."" ""A round of what?"" The bartender asks. ""A round of *applause*!"" They all scream in unison."

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow. Monday."

"Two Fish there was two fish in a tank and one of the fish said do you know how to drive this thing BECAUSE THE FISH ARE DRIVEING THE TANK IN A WAR"

"Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxis."

"There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house."