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Joke of the Day

"How short-sighted of you to include a fax number in your email signature but not the coordinates of your zeppelin dock."

"I switched my cellphone to 'airplane mode' and threw it up into the air.. must tell you: WORST. TRANSFORMER. EVER."

"What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket? He got off on a technicality"

"What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful? A cheap pansy"

"no one at this funeral has mentioned what the hashtag is yet"

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph because he's not a full essay."

"Hillary Clinton is sick according to doctors... I pneu it all along."

"""Gary give me the gun"" ""I thought you had it"" ""I TOLD you to bring it"" ""I didn't"" ""who brought the getaway car?"" -Disorganized crime"

"Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work. No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid."

"You found poison in his stomach? But he HATED poison!"