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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that giant cooling device in Florida? It was a Miami heat fan."

"People Magazine sounds like something aliens pretending to be humans would call their magazine."

"Which fictional lawyer has he smallest penis? Fatticus Inch"

"How does Craig Venter drink beer? Shotgun method"

"Why was Oedipus against profanity? because he kisses his mother with that mouth."

"Did you hear about the pair of university professors who got sued for sexual harassment? They were two lecturers."

"The best part of having a beard is that it covers up like 40% of my terrible face"

"You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls."

"*goes to grocery store *puts ""gently used"" sticker on all their cucumbers"

"I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors."