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Joke of the Day

"""look, you know i LOVE calling birds. love. but FOUR? jesus, phil, i don't have room for this shit and you knew that!"""

"crime tip: secretley grease a cop's butt befor a car chase so when he slides acros the hood he'll slip off & keep on slidimg down the street"

"Today Americans celebrate Labor Day By not working and expecting to get paid for it."

"For Halloween I'm just gonna talk shit to complete strangers and go as the internet."

"Five days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park! "

"A psychic midget broke out of prison... He was a small medium at large."

"there's something my mother never realized the irony of calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

"ME [yelling down into a volcano]: You shut your stupid Earth mouth"

"What's the difference between your PC and your Penis? Usually its small, used often and you dont let just ANYONE touch it."

"Did you hear about the new Yiddish martial art... that involves rapid spasms and filing legal action against your opponent? Jew-fit-sue is taking off in a big way"