199057

Joke of the Day

"I once mowed the lawn at a battered women's shelter if you know what i mean"

"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."

"I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends."

"Ayy Loam Ayy loam I soiled myself!"

"Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers."

"It's warmer now, but I'm colder than when it was colder."

"My wife wants to have another kid. That's like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, ""I think we better turn around."""

"Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs."

"When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio... but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker."

"Babe Ruth points at a toilet, then takes a gigantic dump in it."