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Joke of the Day

"Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs."

"So glad guys with twirly mustaches don't tie up girls to railroad tracks anymore."

"[Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room ""You've never lived to up to your potential!"""

"What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch."

"a cannibal's favorite drink What drink does a cannibal have after a long day? a handshake!"

"My Jr High teacher makes me have sex with her while her husband watches, but that's not the worst part. ....I'm homeschooled."

"What is mozart doing nowadays? Decomposing"

"If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits."

"I decided to get my girlfriend & her sister new jackets for Christmas That is why I bought a pair of new gloves."

"The Muffin Joke Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said ""Hey, it's pretty hot in here, isn't it?"" The other turned and shouted ""Oh my god a talking muffin!"""