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Joke of the Day

"When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio... but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker."

"*turns on shower* *shower whispers ""eat donuts for breakfast"" & ""get drunk tonight""* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure"

"Today I discovered my brother and I are both audiophiles... He came as soon as he heard."

"I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending."

"The 1st rule of idiom club is loose lips sink ships. The 2nd rule is don't let the cat out of the bag. Last but not least, the 3rd rule."

"If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don't lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic"

"I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord."

"Nice shoes They really stand out"

"You can't trust a mule with an important task. They'll just half-ass it."

"If Trump gets elected... ...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family."