198849

Joke of the Day

"No ""It's not complicated"". One of you is just a dumbass."

"Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field? The pot was calling the cattle back"

"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"

"Taco Bell is planning on doubling the 'meat' in their ingredients. Unlike Cadbury, they're informing us in advance."

"To people calling themselves ""Grammar Nazis"": you're not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I'm a Nomenclature Nazi."

"Average Guy: [writes her a song] Girl: ""Yeah, whatever."" Hot Guy: ""Sup."" Girl: ""Oh my god, you're so creative!"""

"In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There's apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today."

"My buddy told me he wanted to study paleontology... I told him it was a dead-ends job."

"To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today."

"DATE: [whispering in my ear] i've got a secret ME: [also whispering] is it tacos DATE: [giggles] no ME: can it be tacos"