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Joke of the Day
"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"
Next Joke
"What month was King Kong born in? Ape-ril"
"What was the name of the hobbit who went to get frozen yoghurt? Froyo Baggins."
"I just saw a Koi Fish that had a white guy tattooed on it"
"Why aren't healthy drive-thrus a thing? I want an egg and a grapefruit and a latte and I don't want to get out of my car damn it."
"What's the difference between a video game and a baby? I don't start masturbating when I've beaten a video game"
"There is a big difference between ""friends"" and ""Facebook friends"""
"The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful."
"Agoraphobia I didn't go to my Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting today, obviously."
"""Cool calculator watch dude."" ~nobody since 1987."