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Joke of the Day

"My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle."

"Final Destination 5"" ...well someone doesn't understand the meaning of ""Final."""

"How do you know when you're too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener"

"What do you call a shitty journal? A Diarrhea."

"Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church? It's a house of warship"

"Gremlins(1984): a shopkeeper with a creature so powerful it could destroy all human life gives it to a 12yo boy. Many lives are lost.(PG13)"

"Friday night. Friday night- Cant get fucked- Women are sluts or too stuck up- Cant grab pussy- Cant get head - If it werent for lotion Id shoot myself dead"

"PRANK: ask someone what's on their shirt and when they look down give them a perm"

"In alcohol's defense, i've done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too."

"Why didn't crab and lobster like to share? They were both two shellfish"